Trusting Passion and Moving Through Uncertainty
I’m in a bit of a dilemma. And what better way to move through it than to write about it?
My dilemma is this: I know that I am more than I currently am, and I don’t know what that is. What the hell does that even mean?!
First of all, I’m not knocking who I am. I am a rather disciplined person who donates a considerable amount of time to helping people, and I’m on a constant climb toward self-realization and betterment.
When I was in my active addiction, I knew that there was a better life for me that I couldn’t live up to, because the drugs and alcohol (and food) owned me.
I got sober.
After a few years of sobriety, I began to desire more than the server job I felt stuck at to pay the bills. I knew I was more than that—I don’t mean in a better-than way. Just more than what I was doing. However, I didn’t know what that was to be.
I was super passionate about yoga and—dare I say it?—about Madonna. Knowing I had come from the club scene as a “successful” promoter, I made a choice to develop my skills as a PR person, and I obtained an honours certificate in Public Relations.
During the post-grad interview process I had an epiphany that I wasn’t a promoter in and of itself, but rather only of the things I was passionate about. I had been asked in an interview if I could be passionate about promoting almonds (I think we know what my answer was). Almonds weren’t Madonna and yoga.
Discouraged—and still at my restaurant gig—I was stuck again.
My guru told me to be a yoga teacher—because that’s what I was passionate about. My peers cautioned me that ‘you can’t throw a rock in Toronto without hitting a yoga teacher’ –an ominous warning which almost stopped me from doing it.
Long story shorter, my guru championed me to go for it—reminding me of my ability to promote myself and my passions—and I went for it. It just so happened that social media was beginning to boom at that time, and despite some of the yoga community lashing out at me for shamelessly promoting myself , I built a brand and have had a successful career teaching my creation Jock Yoga. *Side note to the naysayers and the people who are fearful of promoting themselves in a ‘spiritual’ industry: teaching yoga and promoting it IS right livelihood!
So—once again—here’s the dilemma I’m finding myself in: I love being a teacher in the wellness/fitness industry—it’s right livelihood.
However, lately I’ve been reconnecting to my own spirituality and the spirituality that’s inherent in yoga that first drew me to the practice.
Although I enjoy the spiritual practice of the inner dialogue of yoga, and the exercise of vinyasa, I feel a craving/calling to do more–to focus more on the teaching of spirituality and self-development–as it’s helped me and saved me. I don’t mean rehashing from the yoga sutras, or from any particular spiritual tradition or religion. Rather, I want to teach from what I’ve learned along my path of recovery, transformation, journey to authenticity and moving through my own struggles and fears. I want share the tools and experience from all lineages that have helped me stay alive, sober and moving forward.
The ‘dilemma’ is that, once again, I don’t know how that’s going to work out. However, when I look over facts and the history of following my passions that I just listed here, I’m given hope and the relative certainty that it will! And writing again seems to be a good start!
Michael De Corte